just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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