I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
