Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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