Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
