Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
