I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My vagina is officially offended.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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