$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I didn't notice because vodka
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Still dying that you shit outside
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
