There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
