btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
is wine microwaveable?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
