dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
