Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
