i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize