WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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