Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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