I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
