Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
