she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
