u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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