Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
