; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
