u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
