i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
