hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
