How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am one with the molecules
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
