he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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