i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
where are my eyebrows?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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