If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
