idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
