i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
