I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
