Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
