We won't sleep together?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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