i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize