"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
