Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
