That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
