Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
