So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
