Yo dont text me then not text me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
