My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
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