note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
