I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
