Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
