she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
