Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
