It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
