thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
