If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
