Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
