its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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