so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I need to stop coming to work sober
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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