Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
