Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
