Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
