That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Im just a social blackout drinker.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize