what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize