we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
