Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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