ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
