Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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