Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
