no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
