I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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