I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You have to summon your inner elephant
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
