batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
