Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
