it was like his penis was on wheels.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
