Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize