Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
